Wednesday, June 22, 2011

WACKY WEDNESDAY...The Anatomy of a Kiss...

Riley's Pond

Note:  Be careful looking for pictures under "kissing."  Talk about an education!

So. What's in a kiss?  Do you remember your first one? Honestly, I don't. Must have been "memorable."  I do remember different kisses, or I should say "kissers."  So...

1.  Are "bad boys" better kissers than "nice boys?" 

Well, face it. They've got experience going for them - the talent perfected. Knew a couple of  "boys of questionable character" and yes...they were excellent kissers.  However, something about the innocence of the tentative kiss made it "special."  Nice boys (or the ones my mother preferred) were always a bit more shy, or as she put it..."respectable."  Want to kill a romance quick? Have your mother comment on your goodnight kiss. "He seems like such a nice boy. He didn't try to suck your face off."  The guy could send me roses dipped in chocolate and I wasn't going out with him again. Ever.

2.  Lips soft or firm? Full or thin?

Dated a guy once I really liked. I could almost see him in my future if it wasn't for his kisses. Lips were "lifeless." Code blue. Dead and limp. When he french kissed me I swear his lips disappeared entirely, and that was with a full set of teeth. Imagine fifty years later and dentures. Fact of life, your lips shrink as you age.  If a guy hasn't got good "lipage" when he's young, you're pretty much raking teeth later. If they're dentures, you'll be knocking them out if you put too much force on the oral cavity.  Something about that fake pink plastic with a set of chompers attached falling into your mouth, could be one hell of a mood killer.

3.  How much is "too much?"

I enjoy deep, heady kisses. Oh my, just the thought triggers a hot flash! But when a kiss becomes a search for my internal organs, my nose pushed to the back of my skull, and my cheeks sucked out from the inside, I'm pretty much flailing my arms to signal the paramedics. I prefer to breathe the air from my own lungs, not share what's inside some guy's lungs! If I'm left gasping for air and reaching for a towel after being "devoured," you can bet I'll be busy for the next hundred years if called by the "roto-rooter guy" again.

4.  Do you like his tongue in your mouth or yours inside his? 

A "power position" play.  Depends. If it's the cousin of the guy in #3, I might exercise my "right to bite."

Okay, it's "sharing time." Popcorn dripping with real butter is on the table to the side of the lazy boy. Get comfortable.

I dated a boy "exclusively" for almost six months before I let him french kiss me.  Not that I was a prude, but because I didn't know how.  My mother, bless her heart (you know if you repeat this before saying something derogatory about someone, it doesn't count as a sin), told me all about sex before I was thirteen, but never explained the finer points of intimate "kissing."

Note to parents here. Tell your child about sex, and they can't wait to share! Scene setup:  Slumber party at my BFF's house for her thirteenth birthday and eight giggly girls in sleeping bags. I was busting at the seams with anticipation of sharing my news. When I explained the "details" of how this mysterious ritual is performed, all manner of gagging sounds were performed. I'd traumatized an entire neighborhood. My mother must have received several chastising calls the next day, because of course, I blamed her. 

However, my mother never told me about "french kissing."  So when I sensed my boyfriend's frustration at my locked lips and clenched teeth, I decided to consult the experts - my cabin mates at church camp. They may have forbade face cards and gambling, but there were no rules regarding discussing forbidden subjects.

When I posed my question to my peers, hysterical laughter ensued for at least thirty minutes.  After my bunkmates realized I was serious, but couldn't put me in a wax museum, they each proceeded to give me "instructions."  His tongue inside my mouth?  Gross!  Swapping spit seemed like the most unromantic thing ever!
A week later when I returned home, my boyfriend arrived that evening for our usual Friday night date. Little did I know that my secret tutoring session had made its way to his ears earlier that afternoon.  His eyes sparkled with anticipation.  He kissed me carefully a few times, then decided to go for the kill. I opened my mouth and allowed passage. Bile licked the back of my throat! No way! My brain yelled abort, abort!  But it was too late. My mouth was not longer "virgin territory."  After a few minutes, I was a "tongue slut." And he was such a "nice boy...."

Designer Genes

Romance writers are the professionals at describing the anatomy of a kiss.  Hands wrapping the back of the neck...fingers braiding into hair...noses grazing...lips sliding tentatively against each other...tongue teasing lips to open...lips blossoming against each other...  When you are through reading the lines of the first kiss between a hero and heroine, you are forever spoiled. My husband loves it when I'm writing a romantic scenes! 

5.  How do you like to be held in a kiss?

Do you prefer arms around you? Hands wrapping your neck or framing your waist? For me they all work, but "tenderly." I don't like to be crushed.  I want to walk away without injury and still have my skeletal composition in the correct limbs.  Rearranging my spine doesn't work for me.

I like the way John Mayer said it in his song...Your Body is a Wonderland.
....I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it.... 
Kissing is a universal language.  You don't have to press "1" to get it in English. 

What's in a kiss?  Emotion and endless meanings.  Quick and on the cheek:  friendly, caring; on the side of your head:  compassion or apology; on the forehead:  farewell; on the neck:  I want you; on the lips:  romance, love.
What's in a kiss for you? Was your first kiss awkward, embarrassing, or "over-the-moon."  Whatever a kiss means to you, keep giving them. A simple gesture, wielding a lot of power.  An action saying everything without uttering a word.

   Imagine all the "prince charmings" in the world waiting for a kiss! Come on, what's the worst that can happen?  It's just a kiss...or is it?

As always...thanks for stopping by.  I'm off to do some lip lock (done to the tune of "I'm off to see the wizard"...) 


Kacey Mark said...

Awesome post! Your blog is always so entertaining. My first kiss was horrible. An overeager guy that must have been five years older than me. Yeah, I gagged in front of him when it finally ended.

perisquire30 said...

Phenominal post!!!
Am I weird? Because actual kisses don't stand out in my memory---although I do remember some of the scenes leading up to them.

I loved reading through your Outtakes and June posts from both Designer Genes and Riley's Pond. Nice touch!

You've got a fantastic sense of humor and it's always a blast to visit your blog!

~Roni Lynne
YA Adventures in the Paranormal...and Beyond!

Jewel's Gems said...

Wow! That was too awesome and hilarious! I've gotten samples of all those kissing styles and most completely grossed me out, and I had to scrub my mouth as soon as I got home. Hey, I should have invented the tongue scraper because I was doing it before the thing was even invented!
Since I was the first girl my husband had ever kissed, I got to train him, and boy did I train him! :-)

J. Coleman said...

I married the "bad boy." Why let someone else experience excellence when I could have it all to myself? Turns out there was a "nice boy" trapped inside. Thanks guys for stopping by.

Calisa Rhose said...

Like you, I don't remember my first kiss other than it was with twins and we were 5 yrs old in kindergarten in Bakersfield, CA. Which one kissed me first, I have no clue, but as long as we three were together nobody messed with me.

I have had some of those you mention over the years and remember most of them for various reasons. Thanks for the trot down memory lane Joelene!

Sandy L. Rowland said...

I take it I'm not supposed to count the cute kindergardener I had a crush on at age five.
Some have been sloppy and gross, some adequate (sad), and a few fantastic.
My husband is fantastic. I love kissing so he had to be.

Love your posts Joelene. Always a good time.

Kerrigan Byrne said...

Great blog! It's crazy how much thought and preparation goes into such a simple act. I loved it!

Anonymous said...

Hysterical post. You had me laughing out loud several times. I don't remember specific kisses. Best, worst, they were all about the same. The exciting part was that they wanted to kiss *me*. LOL

Patricia said...

Loved this and laughed out loud! Thank you 'cause I needed it today. I remember being in the mall and this guy who I was hot on, who was several years older than my 15 years, sat next to me and gave me my first French Kiss. It was sloppy and not very romantic and I didn't enjoy it. I never saw him again. Perhaps he could tell I didn't know what I was doing. Who knows? I haven't kissed that many guys in my life (I'm married now) so I don't have many comparisons. Should I go looking?

Sharla Rae said...

Love the blog and humor. I'll aways think twice about my the kind of kiss my heroine gets.

Had a tough reading the blog though. The web design is lovely but the print is difficult to read.

Christina Wolfer said...

What a fun post, Joelene. My first kiss, lips only, was 2nd grade. We slumped down in the back seat on the school bus.

Like you, I didn't know how to french kiss, so it scared the crap out of me. I actually broke up with a guy once so he wouldn't figure out I didn't know how to kiss. I don't remember who was the first or when, but once I got it figured out, hello.

Loretta said...

I swear, I've been searching my mind, and the only first kiss that was dramatic was when I was around my early teens. He was a bit of a bad boy...or as bad as you could be at that age back then...and that's all I'm sayin' about that!;)

What do I like? I like a man with the slow hands, and a lingering Dolly Parton says, "That really melts my butter...":)...and once again, that's all I'm sayin' about that:) Things have a way of coming back to haunt you on the net! Wouldn't want to wind up on a Weinergate expose' one day!:) I'll save my indulgences for can get away with anything there!:)

Great blog Joelene! As usual:)


Carey_Corp said...

Great post. I chuckled all the way through. Sadly, all I remember about my first kiss (not counting Jonathan in 3rd grade) is the boy's mouth tasted like chew. Perhaps that is why I now go for the good guy every time. :)

J. Coleman said...

Thanks guys for stopping by! It's fun to read everyone's comments. Thanks Sharla for telling me about the print. I try to remember dark colors and bold, but "Design" doesn't always give options so I'm checking it out! Thanks again for your support.

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

My first kiss was with a boy named Scotty he had dark ahir and freckles on his nose- we were four- it was sweet.

Debora Dale said...

I remember my first kiss very well. I was in high school and he was older by two years. Definitely a bad boy and yes, a great kisser. But then... he was my first so I didn't know just how good a kisser he was until the next boy came along. Oh did I miss my bad bod then. :-/

I love long, slow, leisurely kisses that make me feel like it's not so much about an end-game as it is about the moment. I just read a blog where journeys were discussed, and I quoted something my husband said. I think it applies here as well. It's not about 'getting there', it's about 'learning to enjoy the journey'. That's the kind of kiss I love. One that's a journey in itself.

Great post!