Monday, January 16, 2012

Simply musing out loud...or through written word

Current listen:  "These Times" by Safety Suit...and might I just add, when you open the iTunes home page, the poster announcing Safety Suit's new album is least the guy in the hoodie who looks straight at you. I'm thinking how do I make you a screen saver?

So I'm fresh out of "holiday rehab," coming down off a mean chocolate overdose and still suffering whiplash from all the family drama. I swear my family tree has several twisted, if not broken, branches. Next year? I'm catching a ride on Santa's sleigh to some deserted island. My "jingle bells" were "hells bells." Then New Years knocked on the door. I don't do "resolutions." Why set myself up for failure? I've got enough guilt to deal with. I certainly don't need another self-inflicted wound to nurse. But I did decide on three self-empowerment goals.

I'm going to learn to like myself the way I am. No more comparisons, guilt trips, or kicking myself (which is very tricky as you get older) for not losing the extra 10 pounds. I packed all the clothes donning a single digit dress size into a box and gave them to charity. I'd been holding on to them for 2 years, believing I'd fit into them again...a "once upon a time" without the fairytale ending.

I'm going to stop worrying about what others think.  This is hard one. I have a problem with wanting to be "liked." Maybe it's some deep rooted self doubt issue, stemming from being stuck in the social middle through school -- not elite enough to be at the top of the food chain but not pond scum either. In any event, the fear of stepping out of the bounds those around me have deem "acceptable" and offending someone or getting my own "feelers" hurt by their reaction, opinion, or snub, ends this year. There are no lines drawn in the sand that the wind can't blow away. Besides, no one walks in my shoes but me.

I'm going to stop being afraid of failure. "No guts. No glory." It's a fact I'm going to fall on my ass, several times. I'm going to walk into doors I think are open and trip over my foot as I insert it in my mouth (a size 9 fits well and there's still room for air). Fear is the biggest "life sucker" there is. When I drive a motorcycle I know there's a chance I could crash, but my love of feeling the wind in my hair (and the bugs in my teeth) and the freedom I can't get driving around in a car (although driving my Mini is a blast) overpowers the fear. The same thing goes for writing. If I keep spinning in a circle of uncertainty for fear of getting another rejection, or reading another judge's critique that has me questioning my talent as an author, then the wonderful stories stuck on my hard drive are going to stay there. Yeah, not everyone is going to like what I write. Some will shake their heads and feel much better about their talent after reading my work, and to be honest...I do the same.

According to the universe and my magic 8 ball, 2012 is going to be my year. We'll see. The only thing I'm certain about at this point is that I'm the only one who can make my life work for me. Whatever deck of cards I'm dealt, I am the one responsible for how I play the "hand."

Later cyber friends! Thanks for stopping by.


Kacey Mark said...

Wonderful post! And with an attitude like that, this IS going to be your year! I'm cheering for you all the way!

Calisa Rhose said...

I'm with ya! I'm still staring at my deck and not staring at my hand yet.

On the other hand- the blog looks great! or said...

I'm whitch'a. You and I are stepping out, naked and scared, but I have to do it so that I can go on...lets dive. One baby step has been taken, its time we put out our big step.
Great blog.

L.L. Muir said...

Jolene I'm so stinking proud of you! For the first two goals. They are life-changing. Way to freaking go!

I do think you're being a little hard on chocolate, however....hah!

And I was able to jump right on your blog! So happy!

Sandy L. Rowland said...

You rock!
Tackling just one of these areas is huge and will improve everything. Wait and See. I know you can move forward and have success chase you down.

Love the new look and the sassy attitude.

Clancy said...

2012 is going to rock! Wait and see. Love the new look - best yet :)

Cindy Nielsen said...

Beautiful site. I love your colors! And your blog is fantastic. You inspire me. :D

Mary Martinez said...

Wonderful site. And a great post. You're right you can't be afraid of Failure. Though I need to tell myself that from time to time!

J. Coleman said...

Thank you all for your support. Keep blowing wind beneath my wings or I'll crash land!

Wendy S. Hales said...

Love the post, always trust the magic eight ball!! 2012 will be a success!