Current listen: "These Times" by Safety Suit...and might I just add, when you open the iTunes home page, the poster announcing Safety Suit's new album is yummy...at least the guy in the hoodie who looks straight at you. I'm thinking how do I make you a screen saver?
So I'm fresh out of "holiday rehab," coming down off a mean chocolate overdose and still suffering whiplash from all the family drama. I swear my family tree has several twisted, if not broken, branches. Next year? I'm catching a ride on Santa's sleigh to some deserted island. My "jingle bells" were "hells bells." Then New Years knocked on the door. I don't do "resolutions." Why set myself up for failure? I've got enough guilt to deal with. I certainly don't need another self-inflicted wound to nurse. But I did decide on three self-empowerment goals.
I'm going to learn to like myself the way I am. No more comparisons, guilt trips, or kicking myself (which is very tricky as you get older) for not losing the extra 10 pounds. I packed all the clothes donning a single digit dress size into a box and gave them to charity. I'd been holding on to them for 2 years, believing I'd fit into them again...a "once upon a time" without the fairytale ending.
I'm going to stop worrying about what others think. This is hard one. I have a problem with wanting to be "liked." Maybe it's some deep rooted self doubt issue, stemming from being stuck in the social middle through school -- not elite enough to be at the top of the food chain but not pond scum either. In any event, the fear of stepping out of the bounds those around me have deem "acceptable" and offending someone or getting my own "feelers" hurt by their reaction, opinion, or snub, ends this year. There are no lines drawn in the sand that the wind can't blow away. Besides, no one walks in my shoes but me.
I'm going to stop being afraid of failure. "No guts. No glory." It's a fact I'm going to fall on my ass, several times. I'm going to walk into doors I think are open and trip over my foot as I insert it in my mouth (a size 9 fits well and there's still room for air). Fear is the biggest "life sucker" there is. When I drive a motorcycle I know there's a chance I could crash, but my love of feeling the wind in my hair (and the bugs in my teeth) and the freedom I can't get driving around in a car (although driving my Mini is a blast) overpowers the fear. The same thing goes for writing. If I keep spinning in a circle of uncertainty for fear of getting another rejection, or reading another judge's critique that has me questioning my talent as an author, then the wonderful stories stuck on my hard drive are going to stay there. Yeah, not everyone is going to like what I write. Some will shake their heads and feel much better about their talent after reading my work, and to be honest...I do the same.
According to the universe and my magic 8 ball, 2012 is going to be my year. We'll see. The only thing I'm certain about at this point is that I'm the only one who can make my life work for me. Whatever deck of cards I'm dealt, I am the one responsible for how I play the "hand."
Later cyber friends! Thanks for stopping by.